All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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