He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize