This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
