he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
