The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
