His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
