Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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