2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
