just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
