i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Randomize
