She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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