I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
