He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
