A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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