I should be sponsored by Trojan
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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