Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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