Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
