He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
