my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
