i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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