Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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