Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just gift wrapped bread.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
