Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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