the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
