Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
