I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
