Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
