In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need moral support for this bender
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize