I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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