If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
