Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
