I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
