at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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