you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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