I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
