Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
