Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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