It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
