im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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