She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
