I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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