Your tits are I can't wait for
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
