I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just pee around me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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