She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
