At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
