I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
