I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
