You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
