after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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