goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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