No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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