tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
