you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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