You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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