Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we're so committed to being not committed
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