Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
