Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
