I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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