The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
