Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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