Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
this hospital has no fireball
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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