Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize