So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
