9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
