I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
