she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
