Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
try to milk me bitch
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