Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
