Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
